Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp

/ Wednesday, April 4, 2012 /
Hello Lovers! As well as anyone who wishes to read this. Today, I will be composing a public letter to a certain someone. I feel that this needs to be put out... for closure. Now, with that said...

Dear Johnny,
Dear sweet, pothead Johnny, where do I begin? Let me start of by stating that whatever we had going on... yeah, all that, well... IT'S OVER!!!

To be honest, I really don't know how to define what we had going. It wasn't a relationship because, god forbid, I should ever become stupid enough to get into one of those. And it wasn't dating because a free drink from where you work (my local Starbucks) isn't my idea of a date. And if it's yours, well then you're just cheap.

I guess the best way to define what we had is a flirtation. Yes, it was a flirtation. Like that Aimee Mann song says, "And nothing fuels a good flirtation/ like need, and anger/ and desperation." I'm gonna say I was need and anger... you can be desperation.

So how can I explain all this? Is it as easy as you're a dick? Well of course it can be; but me being the awesome democratic person that I am, I will explain, with very adult reasoning as to why it's over, mmk?

To start off with the most obvious: I don't respect the fact that you're a pothead. If you're over 17, and you're still smoking pot like you're in high school, it's not respectable. In fact, it's quite depressing. What, you can't become and alcoholic like the millions of other Americans your age? (BTW, what it your age???) Which leads me to my second point...

I KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT YOU! And this is fine by me. I don't need to know you, or even want to get to know you. But since I am claiming that I don't know anything about you, do you honestly believe I'll feel comfortable talking to you, some random stranger, about all that bothers me? NO. Duh. I can appreciate that you can fake a sympathetic ear, but knowing that you don't know me AT ALL, and that you're a pothead, do you honestly think I'll ever take you seriously? Once again, nope. Just to let you know, it wasn't always like this. I, at one point, did want to know a lot about you. You know, hopes, dreams, music you listen to. But you are not forthcoming about yourself. And I'm not a nosy ass bitch (even though I really am.) Which leads me to this: If you're not telling me about yourself, why the hell should I spill my soul???

All of this can only lead me to the biggest reason why all that you're offering (free Starbucks, shitty analogies, and that dinky ass car of yours) will not keep me around: YOU'RE COMPLETELY FUCKING WITH ME!!! Dude, I'm not a dumbass. I've known this for a while. In fact, the first time YOU started flirting with me, I realized that not all was right in the world. This was obvious because, come on! my name is Jennifer, I am not lucky; in fact, my life sucks. So getting back to the point, you're fucking with me. You're hot, and then cold. If I'm not perky with you, you're flirting/messing around with you're coworkers to get back at me. If I talk to one of you're guy coworkers in front of you, you get mad at and have a fit. Okay, CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Get over yourself, and calm down. You have no right to claim me, asshole. Plus, what I love above all it that after you have your hissy fit, you expect me to kiss your ass. So not cool. 

Oh, and let's not forget to mention your chick coworker that you're so cozy with aka Black Schmitty. Whatever you and Black Schmitty have going on is fine by me, just as long as I'm not being used as a pawn in you game. Did you see me getting all jealous when you and Black Schmitty were getting out of your parked car? No. Did I say anything that one time when I came in and Black Schmitty stopped her conversation with that one uber tan white chick to go notify you of my presence in that obvious way? No. It was odd, especially because I'm not an idiot, like you two obviously are, but I said nothing. And I really didn't say anything about last Tuesday when I went in with my BFFL and you weren't there but the oh-so-awesome Black Schmitty was there to look down on me. Oh yes, good times.

I'll admit it, I did think about what would happen if something were to develop between us, but seeing as how the last couple of months have been going, with all your mind-fucking me, yeah... I don't think so.

Above all of this, the real reason why I'm stopping all of this is the fact that you're a dick. And let's be real, I'm not claiming to be the nicest person in the world (I'm not even claiming to be nice, in fact, I'm the original bitch), at least I'm not a two faced little bitch who needs to grow the fuck up.

So you know what, Johnny? You are so NOT cool, and I will not say cool! 
Goodbye, bitch!

Hope you all had as much fun reading this as I had writing it. Until next time, let's be free to be you and me; let's be young and free!
 
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