I don't know about you, but there is something that I am afraid of. This is that one fear that I haven't told anyone, but all know it. I'm talking about that fear of loving someone more than they love you.
I don't exactly know where this thought came from but there it goes: I am afraid to love someone more than they love me. I have yet to meet someone who has been honest enough to say this to me. Not to say that they love me, but rather that they are afraid of this as well.
I have actually loved someone. Honestly now, I can't tell if it was love, or if it was a major infatuation. But I'll keep calling it love. I was fifteen, and I feel that I can guarantee that he DID NOT feel the same way. It's okay. Questioning my feelings for him make me sure of the fact that whatever I once felt for him, I am now over. The one thing I can say is that it hurt. I spent months, maybe years, thinking over everything, and in the end I knew that he did not feel whatever I felt for him. That is what hurt.
And what most don't think about. Yes, we want to be loved; we want to be adored. But some want that love and adoration to be one sided. Not all are willing to guarantee the reciprocation of feelings. But, of course, there are those selfish people who want to have their cake, and eat it too. So far, I've been referring relationships. But what about marriages? It is said that it is better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them. (I actually heard this in a "Sex and the City" episode.) Is this true?
What happens then? What happens to the one who has said that they love us?
I know what happens. And it's shitty and it sucks.
With regards to another aforementioned question: I don't think it is true that it's better to marry someone who loves you more that you love them. I really don't know much about this topic, but I once believed that marriage was about making someone happy by being there for them every single day. (Quick question: has this changed?) I don't know about you, but in my dream marriage, nothing would make me happier knowing that my husband loved me as much as I loved him. I believe love should be fair sided. You should love someone as much as they love you. This goes for both parties. What can I say? I'm a mass romantic.
The alternative to loving someone as much as they love you is just unthinkable, and quite frankly, pretty painful.
I never told him how I felt, that one guy. And, every day, I thank god (lower case g as always) that I didn't. I wouldn't want him to have that power over me; he wasn't worth it.
But who knows. Maybe I'm wrong as fuck. I wish that if this were the case, someone would have the balls to tell me.
