I don't know if I'm good or fucked? I don't know if I've been a heartbreaker, or have been heartbroken?
Why am I on this topic? I'm not sure. Lol. Not on purpose, I promise. I started talking to someone new and I have no romantic illusions about this 'future.' Pinky promise you won't shame but I used to do this every time I started talking to someone new. Eventually, it got to the point that I would only do this after we slept together, which on me meant usually that first meeting. I made some legit choices the last few years, eh?
Where am I going with this? Oh, I'm like legit high. Yeah, started smoking a lot more in 2020 because of like COVID-19 and self-isolation. Anyway, I think this is good, me not having these illusions/delusions. I'm not hopeful about whatever should happen. At the very least, it's always fun going to a bar, if it happens. If not, what's up sleep? Welcome to 2022. And also, this is a bummer to admit: I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die alone. I know I'm 31, and I'm trying not to do this (fucking depression), but this feels like what the rest of my life will be like. Not that this is bad, it's not. Handling my shit, and my cats ain't nothin' to complain about. But it feels like I'm gonna be lonely for a long time to come. So it's in my best interest to presume that me hanging out with new peoples will only result in stories for this blog. I swear there's a phrase I'm thinking of, but can't think of it, or rather don't know.
At the very least, I can hope that I've learned to deal with heartbreak. I never could handle it well after being ghosted.
Until next time.
Here's some Habits, because it's not about one heartbreak, but all of them.