Sometimes this all feels like a dream. Sometimes this all feels like I'm already dead. But who am I to say what's what? Getting tattoos is the only time my body feels alive. Take that, sex!
Today I learned that I am not missing out on dating. Good. I was starting to worry for a moment there.
Today I also learned that this place I work at is a ticking time bomb. The chaos and exits are getting more and more frequent. As someone who has felt personally victimized by said place, it's amazing to see.
Why am I here again? Not on this blog, but here, in this place? I don't know if I have said it here before, but I am wasted here.
I am scheduled to appear in Los Angeles in a few weeks for someone's birthday. Now, this person, from what I've experienced, could care less about me. Kinda rude, but it is what it is. Knowing this, or rather coming to this conclusion, do I really want to make this journey? Driving for hours to put up with temper tantrums and bullshit? Making my cats suffer to appease this person? I do not feel like going through all this trouble. I do not feel like making my body go through another road trip for people who do not make effort for me. I do not feel like making my cats uncomfortable, and, in essence, suffer, because people want to see them. Umm, fuck that. My cats do not deserve that, and I am tired for making them miserable, yet again, for a journey that definitely will require each of us to do more than we're getting in return.
I still have weeks to decide, but I don't want to bother. Until then, preparations must be made for my non-arrival.
Until then, here's some Talking Heads.