Oh... I've had something of a weekend.
I'm not gonna say it was the best time ever, because, well it wasn't.
And I sure as hell am not gonna say I regret everything, and had a horrible time, because despite the circumstances, I had a decent time.
No, what I will say is that this weekend, once again, I witness what I will be calling a new American tradition: a guy buying flowers after 10pm.
So let's start at the beginning.
It was Saturday and my boo came over. We were gonna hang. You know, do girl stuff. No, not that girl stuff. I'm talking about the girl stuff where we bitch about guys and drink wine like "ladies", but really it was more like winos. And, yes, it did turn into something of a bacchanalia, minus the sex.
After a while, shit got real and well, the wine I had purchased was not enough. We had to go on a wine run. (Yes, a wine run is like a beer run.) Except it was a walking wine run, which kinda made it better.
So we busted a mission, and went on a walking wine run to the local store. And may I just say, it wasn't the best wine run ever. One of us was semi-emotionally unstable and the other was very much buzzed. I won't say which one I was.
Once we got there, we went directly to the alcohol. I love that I know this store like the back of my hand, therefore I will always know, even if I became blind, where the alcohol is kept. After the wine, we went for the Kleenex box. I felt it was necessary.
Kleenex in one hand, wine in the other, we made a beeline for the register. And there was only one register open. WTF, man?!?!? What the hell is that all about? It's past 10 o'clock on a Saturday night. Don't you think people would like to purchase their alcohol as quickly as possible so they can continue drinking? And yes, about 4 of the 5 people in that line were buying alcohol.
And that wasn't even the worst part. No, the worst part was that the guy in front of us was like staring at the wine and the Kleenex, and then saw me staring at him, looked me up and down and gave me some kind of smile. Seriously, dude? I could tell you were judging the Stella Rosa and the tissues and then you have nerve to look me up and down like nothing? Yeah, I mean, you were pretty cute, but I did so not appreciate the judgement coming from you over my purchases. It's not like I was buying tequila and gum, like I did that one time. I didn't judge you over the fact that you were buying weak ass Coors Light and Mike's Hard Lemonade. I totally could've. I mean, Mike's Hard Lemonade? Oooookay. At least I had ma boo to bust this mission with. You, sir, were by yourself.
Where was I? We were in line and... oh yeah. They opened up another register. Yes, finally the opportunity to get away from people who can't seem to comprehend the fact that sometimes girls just need to be emotional... and drink. We moved out cabooses to the other register. As we were being rung up, this guy got in line behind us. This rando-ass guy, with a slightly guilty look on his face, who was buying flowers and what appeared to be a sappy ass card. Immediately, I thought of the worst thing. Thankfully, I had the patience to wait until we were leaving to tell my boo that the guy was buying the flowers for his girl because he called out the wrong name during sex.
Yes, that is what our society has become, buying flowers past 10pm because one called out the wrong name during sex. Of course, this doesn't necessarily explain all flower purchases, but I do believe it explains a majority of them. I know, I'm a horrible unicorn.
It's not like I'm wrong in coming to this conclusion. Besides Valentine's Day, when do guys buy their ladies flowers? And, I'm sorry guys for all the bashing, but it's not like a huge majority of you actually care about anniversaries. You kinda brought this on yourselves.
It use to be that guys bought flowers for their ladies for lovely reasons. You know, first dates, random moments, and for other small, meaningless yet somehow meaningful crap. Yeah, just because. But then again, back in those days, guys could at least pretend to be gentlemen, even more so than the plentiful amount of douchebags now a days can.
Now it has become that guys buy flowers because they forgot an anniversary and it's the only thing they can get in a minute's notice. Or as a weak ass way of apologizing for a fight and moving on to makeup sex. Or, my personal favorite, calling out the wrong name during sex. (This one's my fave because it's so fucked up... and it happens.)
What the hell happened there? What was once lovely, and sweet has changed, in a few decades, to something shed in nothing but a shameful light. I'm kinda really ashamed to be around in this date and time.
Maybe, I'm wrong. Maybe all my ideas are nothing but misinformed bullshit coming from someone (me) without any experience. If this is the case, please inform me of it. But reader beware, I am one of those people who learns from viewing. I watch people interact and come up with conclusions that, while some may not admit to, may be some of the more harsher truths of people.
Yes, this was a major guy bashing post. And yes, I did mention to my boo that what would have been worse was if the guy called out another guy's name while having sex with his girl. And, of course, we laughed as we walked away. And yes guys, you do shame us ALL by going to purchase flowers after 10pm with a look of guilt on your face.
But underneath it all, as we walked home, I came to realize that I was slightly jealous of the girl that got her guy to buy her flowers after 10pm on a Saturday night.
I kinda can't wait for that to happen to me.
Take it Easy by Surfer Blood