Oh, and by the way, this was a total last minute thing. Enjoy :D
1) It's you, it's not me. It really is. What's up with that?
2) I hate your cooking. It all tastes like rice, except for the rice.
3) You pass so much gas in your sleep, I feel like I'm dying.
4) You're so expensive. What's wrong with the dollar menu from McDonalds?
5) What's up with your fear or cats??? You need therapy. (In this one, you can put any animal that fits.)
6) I hate having to clean all your hair from the shower drain, and everywhere else. I feel like Naomi Watts in The Ring.
7) I never had roaches before we we're dating, or before we moved in together. (Whichever fits your situation.)
8) I'm becoming an alcoholic and I think it's because of you.
9) Your taste in movies sucks. Dude, Where's My Car is just a godawful movie. How is it your favorite movie?
10) I can't stand to listen to anymore of your shitty music. Justin Beiber is the fucking worst and you need to stop that shit right now.
11) You pee weird. Not that I've seen it, but I feel like you do.
12) You're the worst driver ever. I mean, I've run over numerous dogs, cats and racoons, and that one time there was that old woman with the walker crossing the street which I almost hit, but you're still WAY worse than me.
13) You're giving me pattern baldness.
14) I can't believe you hate Barney. He is the best thing that ever happened to anyone.
15a) You make my dick shrivel up. - For guys
15b) You kill my blue tubes. - For girls.
16) You hate Cocoa Puffs, and that makes me hate you.
17) I think you're stealing stuff from me.
18) You're relatives gave me terrible birthday gifts.
19) I've seen how your mom/dad looks and I don't like where it's going.
20) Birds are scared of you and that freaks me out. By the way, what's up with that?
21) I hate your pet and it hates me. At least we're in agreement on that.
22) You don't know who the Pixies are and that just proves there's something wrong with you.
23) It looks like you have a 3rd nipple, and no, I'm not doing that.
24) Your obsession with Hello Kitty scares me. (This will work for both genders.)
25) I get the impression that you're stalking David Duchovny. Are you?
26) You remember that one time you gave me that look? Well, it made you seem like a real asshole and I've disliked you since then.
27) I feel like you go dumpster diving while I'm sleeping. Do you?
28) Why would you like/follow Starbucks? Can you say 'lame?' It would never be as awesome as liking/following Hollister.
29) I think a threesome sounds like a great idea and the fact that you don't wanna do it makes me think you're not cool enough to be around me.
30) I've been meaning to do this for a while but I liked not having to pay for certain meals.
31) You've gained so much weight since we started dating. You're starling to look like a whale. I know 1/2 a pound is just 1/2 a pound, but still..
32) You don't love me enough. You've never given me any indication of it, but I can totally feel it.
33) You're a 6. And, yeah, sure, I was once into 6's, but now I feel like I can do better, like 7s.
34) You judge me on the fact that I wear sunglasses at night, especially at clubs. Why?
35) You don't understand yolo like I do. We're totally headed in different directions.
36) I can't believe you said you hated my spoon tattoo. You just don't get it. Like you never got me!
37) You're not good enough to be around me.
Frankly, I really don't know what to say in a break up. I have never been the dumper or the dumped (thank goodness!), but I do think that as a human being, you should treat others as you'd wanna be treated. Above everything else, just don't be an asshole, mmk?
Oh, and BTW, this list was a joke.
You really shouldn't be taking me seriously.
No, like really.
You'd be a real douche to say any of this to anyone during a break up.
Until next time, kitties :)
because the world is so much better with non-hipster indie rock.
maybe it's slightly hipster. just like a teeny bit...