So another year has passes since my birthday. Today, at 3:44 p.m. I will turn 24. Yay! :)
No, like seriously, YAY!!! I don't know about the rest of you, but the only day out of the year I feel like celebrating is my birthday. It is the one day a year a say, "Ha! I survived another year, bitchessss!" (And, yes, I do emphasize the "-ssss". It is the one day out of the year where I am nicer to people than usual and try not to think negative thoughts.
People, I'm not the greatest person ever.
Take, for example, this blog. I write sporadically, at best.
I know it sounds cocky or conceited to celebrate ones self, but think about it this way: I'm not a cocky person, I'm not a conceited person, and if I want to take one day to celebrate myself, let me do so... In peace. Yeah, I'm not asking you or telling you to celebrate with me. All I'm asking is that the world works in my favor on that day and people whom I do not wish to deal with... well, can you please leave me the hell alone??? Thanks.
So what do I want this year?
Oh, I'm sorry, I'll start from the beginning.
Keeping up with my tradition of wanting a good birthday, I generally make a list of things I want or want to accomplish in that coming year. Note: they generally don't come true. There are some materialistic things that I want, and other are things that I need to work on. I'm generally lazy, so... yup. That's why the list doesn't come true. Either way, here's my list:
1) A pony. Year after year, I ask for a pony. Not a toy pony, a legit pony. Maybe this will be the year??? I really want to get the chance to say:
"Fahhhther, you've made me the happiest girl in the world."
2) A MacBook Pro. Well, I need a new laptop. My current baby is over 6 years old and only has a smidgen of memory. Not to mention that it can get pretty hot and the fan makes a lot of noise. It has a shit ton of Cheetos crumbs stuck in the keyboard, not to mention that I've spilled milk and Pespi on it... Yup, this baby's got a lot of miles on it. It needs to retire in peace.
3) A bunny, or rather bunnies. I have been the proud parent of not one, but two turtles. Unfortunately, one died a few years back, and the other this past March. Having them in my life was awesome. I'd say goodbye to them when I left for the day, and hello once I returned home. I asked them for advice and was able to confide with them everything I couldn't with anyone else. Needless to say, I miss them. Sure, both Nanners and the other turtle who I can't name because she had my name had something of a 'tude, and Nanners tried to bite Dee, and did bite my dad, but they were there for me. And that, to me, made me love them, despite their 'behavioral problems.' Since the death of Nanners, I've felt a lot more lonely, and sad, and because I think I'm ready to give up on men and use them for their bodies, or whatever, I've decided that it's time for a new pet. Cats meow, dogs bark, and each one of them has done something to me: as a child, I was scratched by a cat in Mexico, and a few years back I was bit by a dog on Thanksgiving. I could go on and on with a list of animals and why I believe they won't fit me, but I'd rather just say that I want something warm and fluffy that I can hold when I feel like cuddling. I feel like a bunny makes sense. And because I don't want it to be alone when I'm not home, I'm gonna go for two.
4) A savings account. Hey, am I the only adult without one? I feel like I am. I had one until like two years ago. And, apparently, if you don't use it, you lose it. Woah, what's that about??? Chase is fo realz. Yeah, so I don't have one, and I feel like I should. It would go a long way to giving me piece of mind... and to curve my spending habits.
5) Work out! Bitches, it's time to lose weight. Oh, and I'm doing this for myself, so booyah.
6) Get another tattoo. 3 down, more to go.
7) Use my feminine wiles more. Hey, how awesome is flirting? I personally find that flirting is just the best. So, yes, let's flirt more with dudes. Tons and tons and dudes. Oh dudes. :)
8) Stop buying shit. Crap that just takes up space. This mostly apples to makeup that I buy and don't use.
9) Expand my music catalog. I've been stuck listening to the same rut for some time now, maybe I should spice it up? Any recommendations?
10) Watch old movies I've been meaning to watch for the longest. Will I ever finish Blade Runner? Watch Casablanca? Double Indemnity? This will be the year that we get the answer to all those questions and even more!
11) Write more. Have I mentioned how I want to be a writer? How I wish to inspire people with my words? I do. In all honesty, I do. It's something that I need to work on, write on this blog more, maybe submit some articles to websites or shit like that. It's something that I want to do. Who knows, I might want to pursue a career as a writer one day.
12) Eat less. Yes, please keep any negative comments to yourself.
13) Drink more. I gave up drinking for some time as a promise to god (lower case g as always) in exchange for something else. And then I had a drink and my turtle died. I believed god (lower case g) was punishing me. If god was, god did a fucking fantastic job. So, because of this, I have decided to continue to drink. Well, not just the death of Nanners. There was also the stalker and this year's sadpanda... both of whom were bitches. So let the drinking commence!
14) Figure out what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life. There was this thing on Tumblr recently that made sense. Yes, you're an adult at 21, but you're not an adult adult until 25! Say what?!? Yup, I know. At 21, you think you're invincible! You can do it all. But it may be that once you turn 25 you realize that you're not that great of a driver while buzzed, or you're not the center of the universe. Yes, welcome to 25. So at 25, I want to have some thing figured out that I haven't done so. I want to be on that path towards "the rest of my life." There are certain things I would like to accomplish that I have to work for, like living in San Francisco for some time, and traveling to Europe, specifically Scandinavia and the Baltic states.
15) Crochet more. And knit? Yes, knit. I owe my boo boo a blanket to celebrate her birth. This year she turned 3.
16) Continue the to do lists. And lists in general. To do lists kept me organized. To what I need to and once I finish cross it off my list? Umm, yes please. In all honesty, they kept my ass in check and that needs to happen again.
17) Learn from my mistakes. Will I talk to that total hot dude who's kind of a real big douche? Nope. What about that super clingy guy? Not even. Random car ride with a dude who kinda does it for me at 3:00 a.m.? Maybe. In my defense, he really did it for me. Like really. Well, there are many other things besides this that I've done... much worse things. I'd like to know that at this ripe age, I've learned from my mistakes. So no more Quick Minute. No more Weekend Warrior or Toilet Texter or sadpanda. Here's to new dudes! So c'mon new dudes!
18) From now on it will be "son of a biscuit". So my boo boo is now saying "stupid" and this breaks my heart. It really does. She's only 3 years old! I wanted better for her. Swearing in her teens and shit like that. So, in order not to influence her "bad language" I have decided to say "son of a biscuit" in lieu of "son of a bitch." I think It's a good trade.
19) Learn how to do pop-up books/cards. I don't know if you ever saw this show called Pushing Daisies? Did ya? I found it to be 30 levels of cute. Ned, the pie maker. Chuck, the once dead girl. Olive Snook??!?!?!!!? I could on and on and on about this show, but I won't, I'll save you that. So there's this one episode in the series where Emerson Cod, a private investigator, learns how to make pop-up books. I thought it looked so cool. So I think I'm gonna try to do that.
20) Grow my hair. I recently cut it off. And dyed it. It's a long story so I won't bore you with the details. Well, some details: me, dude, my version of the witness protection program includes me changing my look. I'm gonna grow it, with pride. I really want long hair, a la Zooey Deschanel.
21) Grow up my wardrobe. Maybe dress more like an adult. But no, I will not give up my Star Wars tee. In fact, give me more Star Wars tees. All the dudes who are awesome compliment them.
22) Buy more books. I like buying books on Amazon. Especially used books. I like spending 1 cent and $3.99 on shipping and handling and then having to wait like two weeks to get one book. I like this. Since I am a fan of this, I have decided to do more of this in the coming year. Oh, and there is a list of books that I will buy. :)
23) Stop killing crickets. There have been crickets in the house. This has become a recent thing in my household. I have tried to kill them with a vacuum hose, which was both entertaining and a waste of time, and nothing. Since discovering that Raid does the job, I have been using raid. To this day, I've killed about 4 of them. And I feel horrible about it. I have decided that if killing them is pointless, and makes me feel like a horrible person, maybe it's best that I not. As long as we can co-habitat in the same room without driving each other nuts, we'll be okay. Coming soon: My Life with Rickety Cricket: An Expose to Living with a Cricket.
24) Be happier. Let's let go of all the meaningless bullshit ad become better people. Well, this really applies to me. So, yes, I will try to be happier.
Yup, all that. That's what I want. Any questions?
Until next time, kiddos.
And, because you know you're old when you watch Sally Draper grow up...
And then there's this. This is the song.
"The warmth of your love is like the warmth of the sun,
and this will be our year,
took a long time to come."