Keep Yours by The Concretes, or, The Passive-Aggressive Upper Hand

Hello fellow hot dogs!
Or fellow unicorns!
I judge not.

I am one of the, hopefully, many who will never understand the dynamics between the genders. I feel like the minute you figure something out, someone has gone and changed something and just like that, the rules have changed. Ugh, what a mess!

I was hoping that the bipolar-ness between the genders was just high school shit, and that as adults, in out twenties, things would become clearer.

Nope.
Nuh-uh.

It may just be more so complicated because we have money, and cars, and, more than anything, we have options and are able to explore everything that's out there.

And I do mean everything.

The shitty thing about that is that the dynamics between the genders don't change. There's still so much game playing, and passive-aggressiveness. I guess most of us never leave high school.

Take for example Quick Minute. Ah, Quick Minute. (Or, HSV as Dee likes to refer to him. I won't tell you what the HSV stands for unless you ask. I'm not gonna put him on blast like that on this shit.)

Quick Minute was so awesome in the beginning. It's funny how everything is so good in the beginning, and then it turns to shit. Or is that just me?

Anyways, it was fun. It was flirty. And it was free of bullshit. And that in itself was so refreshing. I've spent my entire life getting nothing but bullshit from the opposite gender and here was someone (FINALLY!) who didn't do that. He was honest, and direct, and like a breath of fresh air that I desperately needed. (People, I live in LA. Some days, it feels like I'd be safer attaching my mouth to an exhaust pipe.)  For a while there, I thought I could really like him. I thought I may want to keep this guy around for a while.

But like everything in my life, one day, things went south. Before I knew it, there was mention of him talking to other chicks (trying to make me jealous), passive-aggressiveness in texts, and ignored texts. I was really wishing I'd past this phase. That, at this point in my life, I wouldn't have to deal with this. But, nope. Just as I think I'm out, they pull me back in.

All this escalated recently when out of the blue, Quick Minute text me. It was so fucking weird. No, like really. I was reading The Virgin Suicides (SYMBOLISM!!!) and he text me out of the blue because apparently "that's how we work." What the fuck does that mean? No, really, what does it mean?

Was that your off hand way of saying that I'm not kissing you ass enough? Was that your way of telling me that I fucking suck with guys? That I consider myself so self-important that I don't text you every other day telling you about my bowel movements? (FYI: I've been sick; so... not good?) Or that it's MY fault that we only have passive-aggressive exchanges?

What ever the hell that random ass passive-aggressive (and truly weak-assed, if I do say so myself), please explain it to me. Just do me, and the world, the favor, and be honest and direct and say whatever the hell you wanna say!

I'm only gonna say this once: GUYS, TELL IT TO ME STRAIGHT. I APPRECIATE DIRECTNESS. I may not like it, but I sure as hell will respect you for it. It proves that you got over high school bullshit and are worth the time.

I'm sorry. Like, Quick Minute, really? Was that your way of putting me in my place? Because if it was, ooh buddy, you've got me there. I use to think that I was the more mature one of us, and you kinda just proved me right.

Congratulations! Above it all, you're right.
And, the way we ended things this time, you have the upper hand.

Hey, buddy? You can keep the upper hand.
Good luck jacking off with it.

and because the world is that much better with Swedish indie pop

Keep Yours by The Concretes

All of Me by Tanlines or Guys, You are NOT the Center of Our Worlds

Hello fellow hot dogs!

Over the last couple of days, or rather weeks, a very close friend of mine has gone on a texting bender with some guy who chooses to call himself "Ernie." M, my close friend, has known Ernie for the longest time. Yes, they have been acquaintances, and friends, and nothing else, but now things seem like they're changing. I think they're going to a more sexually charged place, but I may, as I often am, be wrong.

This is even going on to this minute. As I am writing this, there are sexually charged text messages being sent between the two. In fact, just a couple of minutes ago, he sent her a picture which included his... forestry? Yes, his forestry.

I can't say what exactly is going on in both minds because my ass is not a fucking mind reader. So there. I can say that I know that M is interested in going somewhere, or maybe she was, I can't tell anymore. (Hey, M, are you?) Does Ernie feel like this? M got the feeling a few night ago that he was texting her because he was bored at work. Sometimes he texts in a flirty manner. Others, it's in a strictly platonic one. It's like he's bipolar and we need to guess his mood. An interesting game, but ultimately frustating.

Will he ever grow the fuck up to let his true intentions be shown? Probably not. Will we continue this hot and cold came for a long time without anything ever materializing? I hate to say this M, but this seems so plausible. I'm sorry. I have the feeling that this will continue for the longest time because you're available to him and his bullshit. (All guys have bullshit.)

I just don't get it. Do guys fuck around with girls like this for fun? Does it help you get off?

Bastards.

I'm sure it helps your self-esteem knowing that somewhere out there is a girl who thinks you're flirting with her thru text. Someone who you have manipulated into thinking that things could go somewhere, but in reality aren't. Someone who thinks that you are the best thing ever. Someone who thinks that you're funny and cute; clever and sweet; and so many other things.

I love it that there is no one specific guy I am talking about. This is about the majority of you mother fuckers.

Guys, I'ma tell you right now: this is SO not the case.

And ladies, you should know: there are plenty of fish in the sea; it might not seem like it, but there are  :)

As of recently, I am a firm believer of this.

Yes, I have always believed this. In fact, when I was younger, I use to have a shirt that said this. It had colorful fishes on it and everything. I loved that shirt.

Back to where I was, plenty of fish in the sea; yes, yes there are. I can't, or rather shouldn't, say much about who reminded me of this, but I can say that he has passed his twenties and that he is completely adorkable. Just thinking about him makes me smile. He gives me home for all the men in my future :)

Guy, boys, children (let's call them what they really are), you should be aware of the fact that chicks are not at all stupid. If you're pulling shit on us, eventually we will catch your asses. And caling you out on your shit doesn't make us bitches. Being tired of the fact that all you do is text us when you're bored or need to feel better about yourselves also doesn't make us bitches. In fact, I believe the only reason this would make us bitches would be because we are forcing you to take a look at yourself; to see what you have ignored for so long. And guys, there is no way that this could make us bitches.

Guys, you should know that we will get tired of this. And ladies, you should know that you could have it so much better.

I think that in this case, M is not doing anything wrong. And neither is Ernie; at least not the way that he views it. But FYI, stringing a girl along is so not cool; it makes you a huge douchebag.

Boys, I'm leaving you with this thought: we all know that so many of you are douchebags. I don't know if it's because you're at this stage of your life where you're a little lost, and need to find yourself; but that's not an excuse for being an ass. You should know that if you keep on like this, there will come the time when you dislike yourself for all the douchy ass shit that you've done. For the time being, don't need to go the extra mile and mindfuck with some chick to prove the level of douchbaggery to yourself... just look at a mirror.