Back in August, Miguel FINALLY saw one of my tattoos. He so wasn't pleased. (I wonder what he would have done if he saw both???) Frankly, I could care less. What didn't please me was that he ruined the corny-ness of Children of the Corn. Corny-ness... Children of the Corn... get it? Get it?
Anyways, he saw it, gave me a dirty look, you know the one that inspires fear as a child and anger as an adult, then walked away without saying anything. Oh, but I could tell he was pissed. What pissed me off is that he came to ask for my help, essentially taking away my time, on a Sunday no less, manhandled me, then thinks he can walk away all high and mighty and think he can pissed about the fact that I had shit done to MY BODY? Yeah, I don't fucking think so.
So the events resulted in him bitching to Dee for whatever reason, (does he think she can control me?) and then him being something of a little bitch for the next couple of weeks like he had a right to.
If it was a think about secrets well...
A couple of days after the event, I decided to make a list. I'd personally like to think it's one of my finest lists to date. Dee even called me terrible, with a smile on her face, with regards to this list. Yes, it's a good list, and I love this list so...
MY GREAT IDEAS AS TO GETTING OUT OF THIS MESS:
1) suicide - slit wrists or OD.
2) temper with his car brakes - make it seem like an accident.
3) attempted suicide - overly dramatic to make point in front of him.
4) run away - must talk to Alicia first, see what's up.
5) become a drug addict - either heroin or meth. show that things could be so much worse.
6) pregnancy - distract from situation. Maybe Dee could help with this one, be the pregnant one.
7) come out as lesbian - as a distraction.
8) continuation of #7 - maybe bisexual.
9) mature conversation - never gonnna happen! he won't give a shit about what I'll be trying to explain to him and I'll start crying. plus, he's a man so already it's like talking to a fucking wall. #1 seems so much easier.
10) bring up his trump card: his ho.
11) bring up last year's post Thanksgiving trip to Lodi with ho. second, better trump card. shame him with the fact that relatives who live 400 miles away have met ho before his children/potential organ donors.
12) bring up secret trip to Vegas: ultimate trump card! you know, the one that no one besides his bank account knows about.
13) bring up Marlene - always a good one.
14) say that he favors Dee instead of me - that he wouldn't give Dee hell if she got one.
15) confront him as a racist asshole who doesn't love my boo boo in front of Dee & Zo - always a good soap opera moment. note: Zo needs to be drunk for this to work, like somewhat wasted drunk.
16) smoother him with pillow in sleep - part 2: Mari will have to help me clean up mess. Dee shouldn't be involved. we should SO use his truck to dispose of body... SYMBOLISM! IRONY! POSTMORTEM SLAP IN THE FACE!
17) drug him - use part 2 from #16
18) if he hits me report as assult.
19) suggest that he skin me alive - will see that I'm mentally jacked up and will leave me alone.
20) get it removed - get it on ass instead.
21) mention his other daughters - always a good one.
22) stand my ground and become an adult - will not end well.
People, I hope you understand how I was so fucking around by making this list. It's a great list and it provided some entertainment for a while. I would in no way, shape or form take any part of this list seriously.
I never did have to resort this list because Miguel never confronted me. I believe he's afraid of me. I don't know about you but I find it to be a good thing.
I know, I am terrible.
I Can See Clearly by Screeching Weasel (off of the Jennifer's Body soundtrack)