Randomly thinking about it earlier tonight, one thing stood out to me: the fact that he kept kissing me during the coitus. It wasn't just a bit of kissing, it was a lot. It was missionary, where he made it a point to lay on top of me to get to kiss me, horribly I might add. (Lots of teeth...) I'm just wondering why, tho? Why would this guy who I'd never met before then, or haven't heard of since, go through all this effort to kiss during?
I have a theory. Kissing equals intimacy.
Does it? Does it really? My first sexual experience didn't have kissing during. He kissed me before. We fucked. And then there was a single kiss afterward before he got off the bed to go clean up. Umm, okay. Hey, dude, if you ever read this, please answer: was the kissing a way to soften the not-so-awesome sex that just transpired? (No, I did not climax that time.) Was it a way to make it seem like you were a decent human being? Yeah, that wasn't gonna happen. You were the first guy I had sex with, who didn't even bother to ask my name. That wasn't going to change; especially not after the fact. That single kiss was not going to save you from being the piece of work that you are.
So does kissing equal intimacy? Maybe.
My one night stand said something interesting before everything: he'd never been in a relationship. In hindsight, this explains a lot of things. The kissing with a lot of teeth, certain actions during coitus (it wasn't anything weird, he just did something that I think was a bit of a dick move. haha, get it?), and the awkwardness in the post-coitus. I'm thinking that someone who has never been in a relationship, someone who apparently has one night stands, might be seeking intimacy from wherever they can get it, hence the excessive kissing during sex. I feel kinda sad writing this right now, but I also feel like it's true. When you haven't experienced any sort of intimacy in your life, small moments with another are milked for all the intimacy that one can get. This is why I treasure my very first kiss. It was at 22.
I personally find to be kissing to be the most intimate thing that can happen physically between people. Partially, this comes from the whole "full service sex workers don't kiss on the mouth" idea (this may not be true) because kissing equals intimacy. This makes sense to me, but as I just said, it may not be true. I also believe that kissing equals intimacy because have you ever experienced a good kiss? The type of kiss that leaves you breathless afterwards? It leaves you dazed? You lose a sense of time while it's happening and when you break apart you feel just a bit lost? A good kiss is not something that everyone gets the privilege of experiencing. It's the type of thing that once you have one, you know what a good kiss feels like. There is a certainty that comes with a good kiss, like your first orgasm, you never really forget how good it can be. This is why I value kissing, especially good kissing.
Does kissing equal intimacy? I'm gonna have to say it's one of those things that is up to each individual to decide for themselves. I say yes, but I only speak for me. Kids, you're gonna have to figure this out for yourselves.
Until next time.
This came up when I typed in "kiss" on my iPod's search: Kiss Kiss by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Woah, woah, woah, wait! If kissing does equal intimacy, then what does sex equal? We're gonna have to save that convo for another time.